The New Drawblindfaith

HELLO AGAIN!

After a tough year! I will be back this January 2016 with more posts, more pictures and more projects.

Please join me while I travel (3 big trips this 2016) while I try to discover my craft and on personal projects that make me truly happy. I will also post recipes and lots more 😀

 

See you soon!

 

HAPPY 2016

Travelling alone

A lot of people actually prefer just to travel with someone, I guess it’s natural and it makes you feel “safer” in a way, however I am sure to say, there is nothing like travelling alone.

Don’t get me wrong, I love people, and I like travelling with people, however I am happier when I travel alone, not because there is some big issues, it’s more about the little things…

I usually never get mad when I am travelling alone, I mean I usually go with the flow, I once was stuck in Paris not knowing if I was going to make it to London to my Show and I wasn’t mad, I was worried that’s for sure, but I went with the flow, I let it be and I am happy to report everything turned out great! I even had salmon for Breakfast (which I love, that’s why it’s a good thing) 🙂

I guess I developed that non-fussy trait that when I am with other people it activates, because if everyone is complaining it makes me notice and it makes me want to complain too, silly I know, but it’s true attitude is contagious people!

Let me break it down for you, when you travel alone you get to:

1. Do whatever you want, you don’t feel like staying in the museum anymore? you are hungry? you want to change the plan? it’s all good, whatever makes you happy 🙂

2. Eat whatever you want, and eat whenever you want, you feel hungry in the middle of the park and feel like paying for that overpriced hotdog and skip snacks? you feel like eating in a fancy restaurant? you are running low in cash and want to eat cheap fast food? go for it! nobody cares! in a good way, because you get to do whatever.

3. Observe, it might sound silly but people get in the way of just seeing sometimes, the feeling of getting on top of the eiffel tower and just fill yourself with the sights, or walk besides the Thames and just see, enjoy the sight.

I guess those kind of make me look like I hate people, I don’t I do agree travelling with someone makes many things more convenient, at the end of the day two minds are better than one when you are trying to understand something.

I love travelling with people, I just recently made a trip with not only friends but people I barely new and even though it was interesting and a learning experience, it made me cherish all my traveling alone, it made me feel like I wasn’t missing out like many say, because for me it’s ok to be alone, I enjoy being alone out of my element, it also makes me grow and to be honest it makes me so very happy.

If you are afraid of travelling alone, don’t be, try it at least once in your life, you will absolutely love it! Just go with the flow and enjoy!

 

It still hurts

Today I saw him, and I don’t mean my ex or some guy that had direct contact with me, but him, the guy who last saw my BT, he was in disability and for some reason I never thought I would see him and it would make such impact on me.

Today right in front of me, there he was standing, with a walking stick, he doesn’t know me, he doesn’t know… I can say honestly I let her go some time ago, I still miss her, but I learn to understand she is gone from the physical world for good, however seeing him made my blood pump, and made me think bad things, It’s not that I wish bad to him, I don’t, it’s not his fault.

But I feel a little bit of envy, because he was one of the last persons she saw, and was with and he probably didn’t know just how awesome she was, and did not appreciate her, and also I got angry because you know he got to live, he lived and she didn’t which is quite selfish of me. I did pulled those thoughts away, but I still felt them and I feel bad for feeling that way.

I guess that’s life, and at least I am working to feel good again most of the time, it’s a constant work but it will pay off.

Being happy doesn’t make me love her less or miss her less, it makes me happy and I bet she would love to see me happy.

it’s all relative, she is still with me.

It’s almost 2015

It is almost 2015 and I’ve been ready for this year to end since May.

Funny how everytime I feel sad or vulnerable I come and write here, I guess this way I feel like I have somewhere to just complain or be sad.

I have to agree 2014 has not been all bad, however the bad definitely outweighs the good, which is sad, but a new job and better pay will never replace my Best Friend, I guess that is why I am feeling nostalgic lately.

I visited my Best Team’s parents this weekend and while it was amazing to see them and it was nice to talk to them and all the family (I was lucky and got to see all her siblings too) It is still heartbreaking, her dad still sees me and brusts into tears and I really can’t blame him, when he saw me on the past it was because she was there with me and  needless to say this time she wasn’t.

Also I’ve been missing spending time with her, this season we saw eachother a lot, maybe because we were just in a good mood or maybe the Christmas spirit, last year we did a shopping spree, had dinner, had a bunch of teas, I saw her before Christmas on the 23rd and then right back when she got home from Tepic. And I miss talking with her, I was just yesterday at Forever 21 trying to find some tights to wear on the Christmas party at the office and I got a flashback of us shopping last year chasing a particular girl for the purse she wanted, and it made me happy to have those fun memories, but later on it made me sad, because I was alone…

This year no-one will be missing the Christmas dinner no-one has asked yet, she ALWAYS asked, got things going, but this year Thanksgiving was for all more of a commitment than my friends wanting to be there, and it’s sad because I kind of feel that was the last one, the last thanksgiving I will be celebrating, mostly because no-one cares, and she did, we went through our next year goals together and well that is not happening again, I guess 2015 will be about the new traditions, but I will sure miss the old,

Good things happened, don’t get me wrong but 70% of this year it’s been sad and I’ve spent crying…

So yes I am crying and I am sad, but I am also happy this year will be ending soon, I can’t wait to start fresh, get a car, go travelling with my mom, do personal projects and focus on me, this next year I will try to give me happiness, because that is how it should be it’s clear not just today but in general my happiness it’s in my hands and I can’t be placing something so important in the hands of others…

How to say Goodbye to a Friend…

2014 for my was the year of saying goodbye, to a lot of things, the most important: Friends, sure I made strong bonds with a few more but it doesn’t make it any easier, Sandy is leaving, she is moving to Cancun, she received a Job offer she can’t refuse and I honestly think it’s the best for her, she will be finally doing full time the thing she loves.

She was part of the amazing trio which was Tere (My BT), Sandy and I, I can’t remember exactly how we started to hang out, I mean at least the 3 of us, I guess it just happened organically, each brought something to the group, and looking back, we were so different not only from eachother but from within.

In May we lost Tere physically forever and now I am losing Sandy which I must say I’m glad it’s not forever but it’s far, and far is not close and I am going to miss her, the second piece of the trio is going away leaving the last part here.

I am fine, I am happy for her and I am thinking on the positive side of things, I am not losing a friend I am saying see you later to one and I know she will do amazingly there, however it makes me want to do something and do it now.

I need to start doing the things I love instead of just thinking about doing them, blog more, travel more, take more pictures, just do more…

This post is not making much sense, it helps though to let everything go, get it out of my head…

Visitors from down under

It’s funny how old/new faces can turn around your life and get a different perspective, During my year abroad I met several people, from several countries and the relationships just flowed, it wasn’t forced it just was. It’s funny because you live with all this people for 6 months and hang out with them, have dinner, breakfast, lunch, karaoke nights and then we just simply are not able to hang out, mostly because we are on the other side of the world from each other. Facebook will be the most we get to kind of hang out.

It’s been 5 years and this year was a good one for meet and greets, in may I met Dan at New York, we spent the day together we chatted, ate and it was pretty good, I have to admit I was afraid it would not flow after 5 years, but it turns out that was not a problem at all. It was funny because we only hung out in Leeds and this was a completely different enviroment, so it was familiar but it was also not it was good.

This time around on Sunday Melinda and Pep from Australia made their way to here, the place I call home, It’s just so great to see them, to chat, to have tea, just like the old times, it’s great how this little visit, even when I can’t spend as much time as I’d like with them, came to refresh the air to my life, change my routine a little, it’s interesing exciting and makes me feel at peace. I do believe there is a reason why they came this year and now, life took some things away from me, but It also gave me gifts…

I feel lucky, because I was able to live all that, and I am able to live all this experiences that make you feel at home, after all they were my home away from home, and it’s just amazing how people who might have a completely different background can be so alike, so familiar, so like family…

I can’t wait to meet the next Luptoner the Universe will put in my way again.

Thanksgiving and why I celebrate it

I live in MĂ©xico, here we do not celebrate Thanksgiving, we know about the holiday however we do not celebrate it, except probably ex-pats and me, I am probably the only one who conducts said celebration with no United States person within the group.

It all started a few years ago, I worked at a call center which gave outsourcing to several companies, usually they do not give holidays, however there was this new company and I happened to be moved there where they said they would only give Thanksgiving.

I was very excited and decided that to celebate I would make dinner to my friends and we would have our own Thanksgiving. My Best Team worked on an other company that actually gave her Thanksgiving as well (US Based companies usually do that) so it was an all round celebration.

Many people made fun of me here, because it is not a Mexican tradition and all, but honestly the dinner was amazing, we would wear something nice, I would cook, and we would drink wine and say all around what we were thankful for. There was also pumpking pie (thank yoy Cotsco)

This became a tradition, because the year after we found ourselves doing it, and the year after and so on, last year though I was not sure I wanted to do anything, it wasn’t the best of years and I was not feeling like it, so I didn’t say anything or organized anything, however my Best Team asked a few weeks before, I have to admit I had a soft spot for her, and I saw how much she wanted it, she said she looked forward to that dinner all year but left it up to me to decide.

Of course I did made the dinner, she then told me, regardless how bad or good our year was it was important to be thankful, and she was right, we had dinner, incorporated a new member to the group and we had our thanksgiving dinner.  I am happy I did it, it was our last Thanksgiving together, her last Thanksgiving.

And this year, she is not here and it’s been a crap year, and thanksgiving is just around the corner, and I am getting nostalgic, however I decided there should be Thanksgiving this year and I am thankful, for her for the time she spent with me and all the love she gave me and I know she would never forgive me if there was no dinner, she will be there with us, she was my constant not only on that dinner, but overall…

Get involved

I recently realized that is what I need, however I also realize right now is not something I can do at the fullest.

I’ve always been involved, my poor Mother had to deal with a girl who would volunteer for everything, making a cake, be at the play, bring this, bring that, I was the girl who always raised the hand. therefore I tried everything when I was young, played basketball, football (or soccer if you are in the US), First Aids, Theatre, Chorus,  Guitar, Painting you name it…

Even when I went for my exchange program I joined the Mexican committee, I guess I like to fit in, or keep myself busy. When I joined the company I did not have time to get involved, we had rivers of work, but as soon as things got calm, I got opportunities, I joined the open house committee, soon I was requested to help with the Christmas party, I was able to volunteer in some other areas.

But now that I moved to a new possition and there are opportunities to get involved I can’t actually do so because I am still learning, I can’t just join a team and ask for free time to get involved right away I need to wait learn and then start being the volunteer girl that I am, I need to be patient and live through my friends who actually can.

Wish me luck  and if you can, try it, get involved.

Friends and impossible relationships

So I noticed something recently, all or most of my friends are pulled into relationships with no future. and I don’t mean personality wise or compatibility but a big fat reason I will not share here just in case.

I wonder why, because it seems I live mortified for them, mostly because I care, I probably shouldn’t care very much or worry this much, but for some reason I do, and I wonder if it’s because I need to learn something from this, or because I have no life (which is probably a more accurate response)

Why do girls get themselves in a situation they hate, but yet cannot get out of the vicious circle? why they want to be hurt or be hurting for longer? Don’t they realize they have so freaking much to give? I honestly can say I have the group of girl friends more interesting I know, they are all smart and pretty (I swear they are not love eyes, I do think they are pretty), they all have different but killer personalities and could get any good guy they want, but they choose the one already confirmed is not for the long run…

This guys are vicious and selfish and only want what’s best for them, I honestly don’t think they are bad people, they just are not willing to be in a relationship with them, they rather keep it easy on them, because they have nothing to lose.

It’s sad, but very true, and sometimes I wish I could not care to see them going to the same guys, because I hate seeing them sad when they could be the happiest.

I guess I’ll have to deal, there is not much more I can do, but being here for them, and I always will, even when when my heart breaks every time they cry for them…

A little company needed

I need to find myself company, I recently moved to a new position within my company and yes, the pay is better, the job is better however I am in a completely different building and the company is not so much, I was used to have ALWAYS someone to talk to…mainly because I am a chatter box and most of my co-workers got along with my perfectly and we were able to chat away about random things, they liked the real me, the annoying, moody, happy me, all my versions, I never experienced that much acceptance in a workplace, I guess you don’t get that very often.

I think this is one of the reasons I am feeling so alone, I always had someone join me for tea (since I don’t drink coffee) or someone would be available to join me to the cafeteria and don’t get me wrong I’m not THAT needy that does not mean I didn’t do it alone sometimes, I did it tons of times alone, but I guess is not about having the company 24/7 but is knowing company can be available if needed not all the time, but most of the times, and here I don’t have that, everything must be done alone, like it or not.

Right now, at this point of my life, I don’t like not having the comfort of company, I’ve always been an independent person, I’ve honestly done so much on my own, so many things people say they would never do alone. But right now it’s hard…

I don’t like crying every day or feeling like nobody cares, I just want someone to tell me “hey join me for water?”

Whinny seems to be my middle name lately and I hate it, I’d much rather be “fearless” that was much more appealing