It still hurts

Today I saw him, and I don’t mean my ex or some guy that had direct contact with me, but him, the guy who last saw my BT, he was in disability and for some reason I never thought I would see him and it would make such impact on me.

Today right in front of me, there he was standing, with a walking stick, he doesn’t know me, he doesn’t know… I can say honestly I let her go some time ago, I still miss her, but I learn to understand she is gone from the physical world for good, however seeing him made my blood pump, and made me think bad things, It’s not that I wish bad to him, I don’t, it’s not his fault.

But I feel a little bit of envy, because he was one of the last persons she saw, and was with and he probably didn’t know just how awesome she was, and did not appreciate her, and also I got angry because you know he got to live, he lived and she didn’t which is quite selfish of me. I did pulled those thoughts away, but I still felt them and I feel bad for feeling that way.

I guess that’s life, and at least I am working to feel good again most of the time, it’s a constant work but it will pay off.

Being happy doesn’t make me love her less or miss her less, it makes me happy and I bet she would love to see me happy.

it’s all relative, she is still with me.

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